Despite its name, Patisserie Pommery (formerly Café Stellar) isn’t even remotely French. Instead, you’ll find a much more Anglo influence: big fluffy cakes with plenty of cream and icing (like the Horlicks toffee cake, B120), some scones (B200 for a set), and things like brownies or lava cakes (B240) that come with heaps of ice cream and whipped cream. The crepes get the same overload, just like at the Japanese chains throughout town—no Suzette or lemon and butter crepe here. A lot of people actually dig this kind of stuff, but if it’s really patisserie you’re after, stick to Le Notre (which is actually cheaper). The curving bay window offers great people-watching opportunities, and the décor is cozy: flowers on the wallpaper, butterflies on the columns, yellow chicks on the pink placemats. Add that to the saccharine bakes and you get a kind of Swensen’s for yuppies, attracting young couples or pairs of khun nuu with their toy dog. Luckily, most of them are smart enough to never have tried the savory stuff. Despite an elaborate menu covering salads, paninis, burgers, appetizers, “café food,” and Asian dishes, the café’s staff is completely clueless as to the order in which these things should be served, so get ready to eat your salad after your main. Dishes can be frankly horrifying, like the Super Nacho with Beef (B170). What exactly is so “super” about an oily, soggy roti cut into wedges and topped with more oily, chewy ground beef with bland cheese? You’ll find pretty much the same ingredients (and taste) in the petite veal lasagna (B250). Even what should be a healthy fish dish, like the “grilled” dory (B280), ends up breaded, sucking up oil in the pan, before being smothered in a sickeningly rich, creamy mushroom sauce and laid onto spinach that is saturated with the same gross, oily cream. You might be a bit luckier with the mixed green salad with Thai-French sirloin (B350): a pedestrian mix of lettuce, overcooked beef, but a refreshingly light oil and vinegar dressing. On the table, you’ll also find a table tent with more dishes, and more localization (nacho laarb kai, anyone?)—further proof that this is a kitchen that has lost all direction and is scrambling to please by attempting to do everything under the sun, with neither talent nor soul.