We realize the dark, narrow alley that is Patpong Soi 2 might not be your ideal dinner spot, but it is home to the much-loved French bistro, Le Bouchon. We had high hopes G’s would be its German equivalent. We didn’t balk at the old white men with 20-year-old ladies who don’t speak a word of English. We were OK with G’s bubbly owner jokingly advising which strip shows to avoid or the fact that G’s is in the heart of the red light district. Unfortunately, that’s where comparisons with Le Bouchon stop. The food at G’s just isn’t any good. And we’re not even talking about the separate Thai menu (for “girlfriends” who don’t do sauerkraut) we mercifully avoided. It’s G’s German food we take issue with. It is oily, bland, and its ingredients taste cheap and mass-produced. The “meatloaf” might as well be canned Spam; the oily, seemingly deep-fried sausages are floury and industrial-tasting (get it all in the mixed grill, B350). For the record, G’s claims this is all homemade. Some dishes even attempt a bit of pan-European fusion, such as the deep-fried mozzarella salad (B270). With incredibly bland cheese and tomatoes, the only taste that comes through is the cooking oil soaked up in the mozzarella’s breading. Pasta dishes, such as the chicken tagliatelle (B270), are overcooked and drowned in fatty cream, something students would whip up after a night out on the booze—we have to admit portions are at least consistently generous. The only dish we found which was not coated in cooking oil, a hearty lentil soup with potatoes and bacon (B180), somehow managed to taste utterly bland. Now, we have nothing against German food, we really dig Bei Otto in fact. And we have nothing against the city’s dark underbelly. But G’s Bangkok’s super-friendly owner alone can’t compensate for his kitchen’s grave shortcomings. Oh, you might want to pop in for a proper German beer, though, as they do regularly import some hard-to-find labels (B170-240). Corkage B300.